i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
