Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
