i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
