"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
