I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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