Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm at about main and main street
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
