I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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