Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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