Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
