PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
