don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
