Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dick very happy bro
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
