Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
