Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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