Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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