I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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