I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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