just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
