I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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