Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
