i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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