We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
