I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
