My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Come on in and take your pants off
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