Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
