my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
