walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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