Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
