it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
