We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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