I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
