I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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