I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
