thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
