Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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