...so i touched it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
