There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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