so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
