My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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