so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
