Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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