Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
