so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
