Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
