U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
