The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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