just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
