dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
