I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
