this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
