Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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