just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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