Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
