it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dicks are not precious.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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