Apparently you make a good broom.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
