Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
