omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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