Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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